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Alissa Marie

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im a loser [15 May 2008|09:06pm]
sooooo ive decided that livejournal is WAYY OLD NEWS and have made a new 'journal' on www.blogger.com.


BUT IVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION- i love livejournal wayyy tooo much. 
therefore, im here to stay- no matter what.

ps- im going to be a mommy! 
yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! 
couldnt be happier. <3
1 sealed it with a kiss| kiss me

its been a long while.... [21 Apr 2008|02:51pm]

well lets see... 
1. new boyfriend. his name is jason. hes 25- and absolutely amazing. he is such a sweetheart; and if things keep going the way they are going.... it may just end up this way forever. :)
2. church is incredible. ive never felt so close to the lord- and ive never been so OKAY with it. i dont know what i would do without it. im a youth leader now, and its seriously the highlight of my week, every week. these kids are so awesome- and i love them all. 
3. no job as of the moment. i quit the doctors office after six months. the girls were jerks- and the doctors were mean. i guess ill just stick to teaching, or something. 
4. <3 love my life. 
5. SOMETHING HUGE IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. i cant really come out and tell everyone yet- but sooner or later they will know. its life changing, its a blessing, its something not planned. i cant wait.



toooooodles. :)

| kiss me

ridiculous [29 Jan 2008|12:13am]

seven months later..

stilll in love with him.











hate it.

| kiss me

lets be honest [11 Dec 2007|07:32pm]

even though i have finally discovered that i dont need him... im still very much in love with him.




five months later.....
im still very much in love with him.




| kiss me

complicated thoughts [04 Dec 2007|09:48pm]
im soo antirelationship right now.. 

yet, at the same time- i miss him more than everrr...






life is gay. 
| kiss me

alrighty then.. [27 Sep 2007|08:37am]

so... 
still cant find a good job. ugh its sooo annoying. i really want to get a job that ill keep for a long time- ya know? not some rinkadink job (like all the others ive had). mmm... thats okay. i have a feeling that ill find the PERFECT job for me- soooon. therefore, no worries.
church is absolutely amazing, by the way. i lovee it so much that when the service is done, i feel uneasy- like WOW now i actually have to STEP OUT OF WHAT I CALL MY 'SECOND HOME' and its back to reality. aka. A WHOLE BUNCH OF CRAP ON MY SHOULDERS. ohh well, im sure that will go away within time. i think its just because my life is constantly changing right now- from friends, to decisions, to just really everything- && anyone, who is anyone that knows me- KNOWS that i hate change with a passion. soo there we go.
school is okay. im just NEVER MOTIVATED TO ACTUALLY GO? ha. any suggestions?
scott and i arent friends anymore. we dont hang out/hook up- thanks to my GOOD decision skills. haha. its hard not calling him everyday, checking on him. BUT i know that he is happy; and i know that he knows he can call me anytime of anyday if he needed something. therefore, its all good. PLUS- i really NEED MY SPACE just as much as HE NEEDS HIS. sooo.. its refreshing in a way. haha. he called me for the first time in three weeks, two days ago. it was a nice brief check up chat. BASICALLY, this is how i look at it. I DONT WANT TO BE HIS GIRLFRIEND, I DONT EVEN WANT TO BE HIS FRIEND RIGHT NOW... but later down the road- illl know that we will end up talking, and THATS when ill want to be his friend. WHATS HAPPENS IN THE LONG RUN IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS.
 
okayy soooo HERES THE JUICY PART OF MY POST: 
subject: TRUST.
i dont like to say that ive been hurt wayy too many times, because it really only has been twice. BUT i definitely like to say that i have been hurt wayy too much. michael and scott= ex boyfriends, huge parts of my life. i gave my body, mind, and soul to each one of them. AND it ended completely with NO gain. BASICALLY because of that- im in this RUT; which doesnt allow me to trust anyone. AND I MEAN ANYONE. it is soo difficult to look at any sort of relationship the same; yes- this includes friends, family members, and of course GUYS that i would normally consider dating. HOWEVER, because ive been hurt TOO MUCH i refuse to believe that there will be any 'good' that comes out of any sort of relationship. im sooo disgusted by boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. im scared to get to close to anyone, including my BEST FRIENDS- because i dont want to hurt now, or later. I DONT EVEN WANT TO MEET NEW PEOPLE AND START RELATIONSHIPS WITH THEM because i just dont see the point? im sure this is just a phase- it will fade within time of me figuring myself out. IT JUST SUCKS BALLS BASICALLY.




<33333 love, peace.

| kiss me

soo its been wayy too long [04 Sep 2007|05:23pm]
because i DIDNT KNOW MY PASSWORD. grrr... 
sooo since my last post: 

1. moved out of my parents house, had a whole bunch of family drama go down, moved back in due to the parentals begging me. (in which; im soo much more happier living with them- i mean, come on, NO RENT, its amazing. BUT.. ill most likely be moving out sometime soon.)

2. ive had my heart broken for the SECOND time in my life. yup, thats right-- scott and i are no longer together. it was great fun while it lasted. i still miss him more than ever, but im really glad that we can still keep a friendship. BUT as much as miss him, i know that I AM BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM. im so much more happier, i dont have to put up with his crap, and i get to focus on things I WANT TO DO FOR MYSELF.

3. ive focused on myself, and what i want/need to do for myself. its absolutely amazing. ive choose to recommit myself with the lord. and OH MY its something words will never describe. i needed him back in my life && trust me, he is right by my side, day in and day out. ....ive never been this close to the lord, and its growing daily. WATCH OUT. im changing ways, decisions, life style..... and its for the better- I DONT CARE WHAT YOU SAY/THINK. i know.

4. NO JOB. sucks.

5. SCC messed up my scholarship. EW. but its all better now- thanks to ME and going OUT OF THE WAY. grrrr...

haha okay. soo there it is. :) 
there is definately a lot more, but i figured YOU CAN DEAL WITH IT, or just call me. haha.
1 sealed it with a kiss| kiss me

soo [22 Apr 2007|11:52pm]

i basically have decided that THIS FREAK'N SUCKS. 


ive been wanting so badly to have and experience the PERFECT LOVE..


who am i kidding?


i should have known. 

theres NO such thing.

1 sealed it with a kiss| kiss me

soooo [08 Apr 2007|09:03pm]

have you ever felt like you were putting more effort into something than someone else?
have you ever felt like you were completely committed to something, but others werent?
have you ever felt like you were more in love with someone who doesnt love you as much?
have you ever felt like everything you want to happen, never happens?




well i guess here it goes...

| kiss me

HOLLLLLA. [21 Mar 2007|06:48pm]

my life changed SO much SO fast. 






thats basically the jist of everything. 


oh that && of course an update:
i STILL have a boyfriend. 
i STILL find my self head over heels for him.
and YES, i confronted him- and stood my own ground.



it worked.
:)

1 sealed it with a kiss| kiss me

advice needed. [16 Mar 2007|05:03pm]

okay; soo usually when it comes to all these huge situations- i can handle it. i know what to do, how to do it, and what needs to be done. however- this situation is beyond reach. i dont know why, or how; BUT i just know that im completely clueless. 

my boyfriend and i have been going out for 13 1/2 months. thats a really long time. i love him so incredibly much && i would do anything for him. ive learned that (even before we were going out) that he is my 'THAT GUY'. everything ive ever wanted in a boyfriend- he has. he is funny, out going, friendly, caring, and a great listener. he also knows what he wants to do in life, where he wants to be 10 years from now, is good with children, and teaches me something new everyday. 


HOWEVERRRRRRRRRRR (yeah thats a BIG however)
im beginning to think that a lot has changed over the course of time && that i am not getting as much out of the relationship- like i should. im starting to feel like im completely 100% committed to this realationship and making sure it lasts longer than ever. WHEN he may be not doing so much for our relationship. ive caught him twice telling other girls that he didnt know how much longer that we are going to last- and that we were having problems. (KEEP IN MIND THAT WE NEVER HAVE HUGE FIGHTS ABOUT ANYTHING). Also, he has technically broke up with me, twice. (of course i decided that taking him back was the way to go)


i mean... taking him back. this is the way i look at it-
1. if he breaks up with me again, it will only be easier. ill only become numb to the feeling after a while.
2. i love this guy. i want to be with him  more than anything. 
3. PLUS he did say he wanted to be with me, and that he l oves me. 


SOOO. with all this being said. 
why is he telling other girls that he doesnt know how much longer its going to last? i mean, honestly- is that fair? if someone asked me if i had a boyfriend, or how i was doing with my boyfriend. this would be my repsonse... "YES I HAVE A BOYFRIEND, HIS NAME IS SCOTT! WE ARE DOING GREAT- I LOVE HIM SO MUCH" ..... not ehhh i dont know how much longer its going to last. SOOOOOO. i dont know what to do. or what to say. 



im clueless, for once.
its been awhile. 


HELLO CONFUSION, HELLO CLUELESS ME. 
that sucks. 


any advice?

| kiss me

its amazing [16 Feb 2007|11:57pm]
that some people dont realize that what and who you were in high school doesnt really matter in the real world.

that things worked out for scott && i, and that we decided to give it another chance. after all- people make mistakes.

that i have the most wonderful friends out there. i couldnt ask for anything better. i love them all so much && dont know what i would do without them. 

that im still the 'girl with advice'.

that no matter what happens- family always falls apart. MY family always falls apart.

that im going to be 19 this year. so old, yet so young.

that i miss people that i wouldnt ever imagine missing.

that my room has stayed clean for over 3 months. :)

that i still drive the same piece of crap i got three years ago.

that im so unmotivated to get up early and go to class, and im an education major.

that i practically drink a gallon of milk every two days.

that im actually starting to feel better about myself && dont know why.

that my camera broke, again.

that i have an idea for my SECOND second job. yay.

that im going to work at a camp as a counselor this summer.

that i get to see mitch this summer. 

that my favorite cousin/best friend will be moving BACK to FL for college. yay. im so excited to see him. 

that some people never, ever, ever change- no matter what. 

that some people still get completely drunk to the point where they want to kill themselves. 

that drama still FINDS everyone- anyone, and never lets go.

that i am me.
| kiss me

the scoop [23 Jan 2007|09:15pm]
sometimes somethings in your life are TOO good to be true. 
like i will never completely, or fully understand the whole relationship thing. 
yeah, you guess it- scott broke up with me. 
it hurts. it hurts really bad. 
but i guess this is where i can thank michael for doing what he did
and preparing me for this deep stabbing feeling in my stomach. 
(which by the way- i know will not go away until a couple of months pass by)
i hate time. i hate that things take time. 
i hate that im so loyal to everyone that i have ever cared about- 
to where i overlook each of their faults and flaws.
i hate that im so loyal with such a big heart that i can not 
break up with anyone. why would i want to cause someone 
THAT MUCH PAIN!?!? the pain that im currently going through... again. 
sometimes somethings in your life are TOO good to be true. 
sometimes people, places, and things in your life are meant to be.



i gave so much into this relationship. i truly loved him.
maybe this time, i should build those gates a little stronger and higher. 
yup- thats what i will do. no boy will not ever be able to conquer this gate. 
no sir. he will not be able to knock it down, jump over it, or find a secret door. 
there are no more secret doors. 


stay strong alissa. 
i know you can. 
ive have once. 
you can do it again. 
stay strong, stay strong. 


...... its unreal.
2 sealed it with a kiss| kiss me

[26 Nov 2006|12:27pm]

soo basically this is like my first day off in like FOREVERRRRR. :) 
therefore, im sitting at home RELAXING. its pretty much amazing.

i can not believe that christmas is almost here. 
im totally excited;; even though NOW gifts will 
not be as exciting as they use to be. i get to 
spend time with the family and buy the ones
i love gifts. i can not wait. yayyyyyy. 


CHANGE sucks. 
but it is the ONLY thing in life that is bound to happen.


i <33 my life right now. 
its going AWESOME. 
i have school full time. 
i have two jobs. 
i have an amazing boyfriend& best friend. 
i have awesome people that i hang out with. 



ohhh the joys of life. 


| kiss me

words that describe me [25 Oct 2006|09:37pm]

sooooo;; in this whole growing up/finding yourself deal
ive decided that this is WHO i am and ALWAYS will be:



MY HEART BODY SOUL AND MIND
IS ALL ABOUT MAKING A DIFFERENCE.
&& I WILL NOT SETTLE FOR LESS. 
NOT NOW, NOT NEVER.

| kiss me

marijuana [22 Oct 2006|02:42pm]

During the 1930s, the American media propagated numerous false stories as marijuana facts and depicted weed as an extremely dangerous drug, thus marijuana and hemp were effectively banned in 1938.

Hemp has an estimated 50,000 non-drug commercial uses including paper, textiles, fuels, food and sealants, but these uses are also banned by existing laws.

No one has ever died from marijuana use.

Marijuana does not lead to physical dependency.

Marijuana is less dangerous than tobacco and people smoke less of it at a time.

No independent government panel that has studied marijuana has ever recommended jail for users.

Marijuana leads to non-violence and pacifism.

Marijuana for medicinal use is also gaining renewed recognition.

Marijuana is a medicinal herb that has hundreds of proven, valuable therapeutic uses - from stress reduction to glaucoma to asthma to cancer therapy, etc.

Marijuana was a major active ingredient in 40-50% of patent medicines before its ban.

Marijuana could replace at least 10-20% of prescribed drugs now in use.

Since the mid 1990's, medical marijuana ballot initiatives have received a majority of votes in Alaska, Arizona, California, Colorado, the District of Columbia, Nevada, Oregon, and Washington State. The vast majority of Americans do support legal access to medical marijuana and there are numerous studies that have shown conclusively the benefits to patients of medical marijuana use.

| kiss me

sarah emily marcus [18 Oct 2006|08:17am]

its been basically five months since graduation.
life has never been more perfect. 
i think the only true downfall to 
graduation is that you LOSE 
a lot of people you love. 
its soo weird. its like you dont even really 
have to care about it either. 
i guess because thats WHAT happens. 
but still: just because its expected 
doesnt mean it takes the pain away.

BUTT this livejournal entry is completely
dedicated to one of my bestest
and truestestest friends out there.
sarah emily marcus.

i most definately would not be the person
i am today without this girl. she means the 
world to me. she has proven over and over
again that she is my BEST friend, through
thick and thin. she is constantly there for me
and will never let me down. i trust her
with all my heart and would do anything 
for her. she has taught me so much about 
life and myself that i could never actually 
just 'thank' her and be satisfied.  she is the 
only that completely understands me, inside
and out. she could honestly write a book about
how well she knows me. 

I LOVE HER SO MUCH MORE 
THAN ORANGE STARBURTS.
[[the love i have for her doesnt 
even compare to orange starbursts]]

she is the PERFECT BEST FRIEND 
&& i couldnt ask for more.


she is my luckky starr && hero. 
she is my role model && sister at heart. 
she is my heart && strength.
she is my exception && listener.
she is my BESTESTESTEST FRIEND.


i love you SARAH EMILY MARCUS.
always and forever.

1 sealed it with a kiss| kiss me

[11 Oct 2006|02:33pm]
lying close to you
feeling your -heart- beating
and im wondering what youre thinking
and if its me youre seeing
and then i kiss your eyes and
thank god we're together and i
just want to stay with you in 
this moment

foreverrrr.
| kiss me

plain and simple... [25 Sep 2006|01:04am]
some people are so arrogant.



the end.
| kiss me

my lifee.. [11 Sep 2006|12:41pm]
basically; im in love how things turned out. 
high school is over. im in college now. 
im completely fell in love with all my classes. 
my teachers are one step above amazing. 
(and for everyone's information: im taking english) 
hahaha, YEAH thats rightt: i like my english class.
tony roma's is the same. i work. I WISH IT PAID MORE. 
i need the money, but unfortunately ive grown to love 
everyone that works there and the wayy it workks. :)
scott's birthday was last friday; hes twenty. 
yeahhh.. hes basically OLD now. lol. 
he got another tattoo (which looks amazing)
its god's hands holding the word 'life' &&
'life' is crumbling like stone. SOO for all those 
people that dont understand the meaning behind it
GOD IS HOLDING HIS LIFE TOGETHER. 
&&& im getting my HUMMINGBIRD TATTOO 
(in memory of my grandmother) next weekend, 
if not next weekend the ONE after that. :) i am 
superrrrrr exctied. i cant wait to get that done
only because IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME to get. 
im pretty content on who my friends are now. 
im bummed that i lost a couple due to the fact 
that we are going our serparate ways and all, 
but thats life && i wish them the best of luckk. 
just know: I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR THOSE
SELECT FEW && IF THEY EVER NEEDED ANYTHING
ILL BE THERE IN A HEARTBEAT. :) i love them.
;;

LIFE IS amazing. 


i started writing again. its neatttt. 
peace out lovers. 

xoxo
| kiss me

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